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Public speaking is a challenge for many people. It can be nerve-racking to stand in front of a group of people and give a speech. You may find it even more challenging in a situation where heightened emotion is involved. One example of this is the opening remarks for a funeral.
Sitting down to write out what you want to say is the first step, but even that may feel overwhelming. If you’re grieving, your creativity may feel like it has run dry.
Sometimes the hardest part is just getting started. Here we’ll share some tips on writing opening remarks for a funeral service. We’ll also provide some examples of ways people have opened funeral speeches.
Virtual funeral tip: If you're speaking at a virtual funeral using a service like GatheringUs, make sure you know how much time you'll have to speak. If you're hosting the funeral, you can work with GatheringUs to create a detailed itinerary that you'll follow on the day.
Jump ahead to these sections:
- Tips for Writing Opening Remarks for a Funeral
- Sample Opening Remarks for a Funeral Service
Tips for Writing Opening Remarks for a Funeral
Before we look at some examples of opening remarks, let’s break down some tips for writing them.
1. Keep it brief
There are many speaking roles available at funerals. Friends and family members may be asked to give readings of meaningful poems or religious texts. And at many funerals, someone will deliver a eulogy that’s usually between three and five minutes long.
Your opening remarks don’t have to be that long. You should be able to say what you need to say in just a minute or two.
2. Set the tone
There are many different kinds of funerals. Some are religious, and some are secular. Some have a more somber tone, while others take on a more celebratory bent. There are typically clues to this in the funeral announcement.
For example, generally, people know ahead of time if they’re going to acelebration of life service as opposed to a more traditional funeral.
If you’re making opening remarks, make sure they fit in with the overall tone of the service. If the funeral is meant to be a lighthearted celebration, you can infuse your remarks with a little humor. If it’s a serious service honoring a distinguished person, your remarks should be more formal.
3. Make everyone feel welcome
Funeral opening remarks are almost akin to afuneral thank you speech. You want to make sure everyone feels as though they have been warmly welcomed.
One way to do that is to express your gratitude to people for coming. Be open and sincere about what their presence means for you. This will make them feel less like an audience and more like they’re part of a meaningful occasion.
4. Talk about the deceased
If a eulogy is on the schedule for later in the ceremony, you shouldn’t give much biographical background on the deceased, as it might end up being repeated later. But you should speak briefly about the deceased, as they are the person who has brought everyone together. You can refer to them by name, and you can also mention your relationship with them for anyone who doesn’t know.
If you’re including a quote to get started, make sure it’s something you think they would have connected with. That’s an easy way to make your remarks feel more personalized.
5. Get feedback
Since you’re setting the tone for the rest of the service, it’s a good idea to get some feedback on your remarks once you’ve written them.
Work with the person planning the funeral, or with someone who is helping them with logistics. This will ensure that everyone is on the same page.
6. Practice
Public speaking can be anxiety-inducing even for professionals. It can be even more challenging when you’re experiencing profound emotions like grief. Practice your remarks until you feel comfortable delivering them. Repetition like this can help you feel more confident no matter how sad or scared you might feel.
If you’re speaking at a funeral, chances are you’ve looked up specific resources, like how to write a eulogy. But you may have had a harder time finding a comprehensive guide on writing opening remarks.
Here are some examples of funeral service opening remarks to help you craft your own.
Sample remarks for a religious funeral
Thessalonians 4:13 reads, “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.”
Anyone who knew my mother quickly learned that she was a woman of deep and abiding faith. Though she had been ill for some time she was not sad, nor did she fear death. In the weeks before she passed away, we talked a lot about what was waiting for her after she left the earthly plane.
She told me that she knew people would be sad, and that was okay. But she hoped that our grief would be tempered by remembering that she has gone to a better place. That was my mother in a nutshell.
She was always comforting others, even when it probably should have been the other way around. Thank you all for joining our family today to remember such a special and selfless individual.
Sample remarks for a non-religious funeral
Looking around the room today I see many familiar faces, as well as some new ones. This isn’t surprising to me. My sister Marian has always been a gregarious and outgoing person.
She never met a stranger: everyone was always immediately a potential new friend. It made things interesting.
Once we were on vacation in a city we’d never been to, and we still managed to run into someone Marian knew. She deeply cared about people, and it warms my heart to see that so many of the people she loved are here.
Our family looks forward to connecting with you after the service. Thank you all for supporting us through such a difficult loss.
Sample remarks for someone who died suddenly
Maya Angelou once wrote, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
My cousin Rebecca was one of those people who always made people feel loved and welcomed. She was always willing to step up and help people in need. She made everyone feel not just good, but also important or valued.
Looking out at everyone here today, I see so many people Rebecca loved. And I realize that even in death, she is looking out for us. The people she has supported are here to support us, and that’s a beautiful feeling.
Sample remarks for someone who died after a long illness
Greetings, and thank you all for coming today. We are here today to honor a very special person: my dad. As most of you know, my dad has been ill for several years. But no matter how much time we had to prepare for this day, we still don’t feel ready to say goodbye.
We appreciate how many of you have come to support us during this difficult time. As per Dad’s request, today will not be a traditional funeral. Instead, we will have a celebration of life in honor of the joy he brought to so many people.
Sample remarks for a child
A.A. Milne wrote, “If there ever comes a day when we can’t be together, keep me in your heart, I’ll stay there forever.”
In just his few short years on this planet, Remy had such a major impact on everyone whose paths he crossed. We appreciate more than we can say that you’ve come to help his family through this difficult time.
Today, we gather together to remember Remy and the light he brought into our lives. Like me, I know you all will continue keeping him in your hearts today and always.
Set the Tone for a Funeral with Your Opening Remarks
For some people, speaking in public will never be easy. And delivering even a brief speech when you’re in mourning can be extremely challenging. But even if you aren’t comfortable speaking in public, it’s important to honor our loved ones. Speaking about what they meant to their surviving friends and family is a powerful gesture.
The right words can even help bring closure or comfort to grieving loved ones. If you’ve been asked to speak at a funeral, remember that everyone is in the same boat as you are. They’re also in mourning. Even if your speech doesn’t go perfectly, people won’t mind. As long as you speak from the heart, they’ll connect with you.
If you need more help with planning a funeral or memorial service, read our guides on funeral flowers for grandchildren and what shoes to wear to a funeral.
Post-planning tip: If you are the executor for a deceased loved one, the funeral isn't the only thing you have to handle. We have a post-loss checklistthat will help you ensure that your loved one's family, estate, and other affairs are taken care of.
Sources:
- "Funerals and Memorial Practices." Baylor University Medical Humanities Program. https://medicalhumanities.artsandsciences.baylor.edu/sites/g/files/ecbvkj751/files/2022-07/Hoy2020_ReferenceWorkEntry_FuneralsAndMemorialPractices.pdf
